found work and gonna be a worker by tomorrow

have been searching for jobs recently
but all jobs are from the same company.
all those i expect i can get but rejected
and the one i dont feel like getting being granted

today gonna leave home and go to work
and today is the tong zhi, i have been 3 years not celebrating with family.
and will be the 2nd year of not celebrating CNY too.

feel nothing until now,
faced alot of problems
and now nothing can scare me already.
those working experiences really enriched me
what to deal what not to be deal already in my mind

am i gonna be working for long term?
i have no idea.
i really have no idea
no one knows whats gonna happen tomorrow also

i would said that as faith
let faith destine me

i think that`s all from me.
nite everyone.
missing u
be glad to know some of the friends that are going be apart soon too

suicide

actually why people want to suicide?
threatening people?
trying to ask for sympathy?
or what?
this has totally become a trend recently.

recently have seen alot of suicide cases.
all about the love stuff
come on, be mature abit can u?
suicide doesnt give u what u want but give something the people who loves u dont want

if u really suicide, and the things or person u want really want to back to u
do u still have the live to enjoy?
i would say definitely no.

if u are tying to suicide
i would call u as imbecile! stupid!

many people want to stay alive and they just cant due to diseases
and u just waste urs like that?
dont you feel sorry for ur parents?
they hope you to accompany them until they are old
sharing ur stories or their stories
and u just gonna miss all those savoury moment just like that

i`m not gonna pay pity or respect to u.
because u really dont have the brain to think
and thinking harming urself can others feel bad
idiot! life goes on and clock still moving
this is gonna be forgot by people about ur existence or what u did

if i would do something great and being recorded or memorised by people for few decades would be enough for me.  

Finally

all come to the end
the end of another study life
the end of school life
the end of laughing
many things seem to be done

finally, the hard year about 1 and half already past
dont have to be in the school anymore
nothing better than staying home shaking legs

no need wake up early and prepare myself anymore

but still need move on to the second stage
the sosial part.
WORK

well dont talk about work first.
let hold that until i really start my working

today or yesterday, i got up at 7.45
omg, i was like hell no....
i`m gonna late for my 8 am exam paper

so i 'jumped' into the uniform and drive the car and head to the school
i was so blur well just get up
u cant expect something better
and the paper so hard , my stomach is twisting
hell no, i`m in pain!

then paper ended. had photo session
lunch,
met lot of friends and uncle
had chat
had fun
and just had the steamboat as dinner and supper
i`m kinda like this kind of gathering.
it was like the bon voyage to someone

bir big liar

actually i pretty hate liar.
it was like they like dont respect u
or equivalent to insulting

making empty promises are they best
they make eveything sounds promising
but lastly , it`s empty

the reason for someone to lie are:
-they just dont want to face u anymore or
-they sick of answering u
-dont want reply ur message
-they`re in hurry
-they`re on something
-they just want to make u feel comfort
..................................................
............
they are alot , depends how the person did and their righteousnesses or maybe wisdom


i had one coming, saying will do something for me when the pc is free but well since it`s midnight so perhaps everyone should be sleeping than doing something out of the 'working hour'

well, i saw him online the next day at 8 am . and didnt do waht i ask. how pathetic?

so what now?

so u can fuck me why i cant fuck u back?
yea, i purposely did that
so?
any problem with that?
saying u strees,
i dont feel the same is it?
like the world is only focus on u isnt it?

you are the one should fuck off.
i`m already not feeling good
and u make that as a compliment?

i should see this coming.
so what, if i did wrong?
are u a saint or sages?
u never wrong?

oh yea, u never
because for u
whatever u did has a reason
even it`s wrong

and i`ve totally make a decision.
i deleted u.
sounds good to me. because i dont have to see u anymore

i dont need pity from people
i can stand by my own!

i dont know what`s going on between u and that girl,
and i dont want to know also.

u jerk.

i totally dont mind loon correcting me because i really got the wrong one
and i`m am who i am. if u laughing at me is so rude! encourage is what i need
i dont need laugh for my mistake.

now only i know, the person i close to is the one who most hurt me.

saw something really annoyed me

i dont even know what u guy have changed
for good or bad?
for urself or just to others
omg,

fine, as i mentioned before
i`m not interested
it`s just nothing

maybe i`m the abandoned one since after all

those words are really just the empty promises

i`m just stupid enough and believe.
yeah i`m stupid

i thought u`ll be good to me
but it`s not

well, whatever happen
i`ll just move forward
and time still moving.
i got nothing to lose actually
my pride remains.

well, i just cant stand alone here.

yes, i`m completely hate u now

no more chances for u anymore
guess u also dont want it idiot

nice isnt it?
ok.

very supportive in that.
when doing all those superb idiot thing
especially doing those insulting ppl

yes i`m totally believe into the wrong guy
u are just the jerky one

idiot!!
imbecile! fuck off!!

yes i`m not having good base of chemistry!
so what?
does it ring a bell?
not really.

aww.....thought u might change or what
u will never be.

god, why are u letting an idiot with me?
fuck him!

idiot~
saying what belief in what spiritual truth?
stop act like u will
because u will never!
reincarnation ?
back here and get shit back?
how awful u are!
i might shit on ur face if u want some!

now i really got into this problem
i saw a man with faces!
yes u are.

we are so done now.

Pasar Malam

yea, it`s 9th of the month and we are having small little night market in the town
i was called by Tony. how lovely that, asking me out

yet, there are still exist a gap between us.
and yes, we didnt talk.
it`s still the same

feel like kinda want to do something to repair
but lastly i think it wont work
it just doesnt.

well can this call mate?
not really,
really want to help ppl?
no really also
because
he didnt ask.
yes i know what he would say if i ask why not asking
the answer gonna like, if u want it u come over. y i must begging u？

kinda answer like i will get,

having discussion at lau pei pa there
and having kfc
also didnt ask

well  cant really blame u because u are not me.
always ask people if want to join

and now, sleepover at ppl place
but using me as excuse?
come on!

not interested la.
do what u want la.
i`ll be myself.

guess, growing older
doesnt give a sense of happiness
alot of burden has been piling up behind me
it just so heavy.

it`s not something like give and take but is
sacrifice something and u get something back

it`s always like that,
well, looks like i got to let go something.

Had a nice day with friends

ya ya ya, been calling out for the gathering
thought of not going out because dont want to see someone that i dont like
but lastly after i have cleaned up my super messy room
i sms them asking where are they and non of them are replying
then i thought maybe they just dont want me be there so no reply me
well, after i had my bath i received smses from them asking me to come out faster
so, after i clothed so i went out
and found that the main another pal still missing
i thought he will be here
then only i know that he`s at KL
luckily i went out at 10 pm while they were there at 9.
we waited till 12 am the next day a
i was sitting at the corner where no one sitting opposite of me.
so i was sitting there and listen to the story on the other end
i was sitting next to Francis
and i think we havent been talking for some time and our relationship kinda broken
so i started a talk with him and end up, quite good.
we been talking all the time discussing about study and the routine.
i dont know im the one who bragging or he really a good listener
i changed my perspective about him
he really changed alot after since some problem happened

finally at 12 am Kelvin is here
oh still the same looking smart with a cap on it.
and he`s ordering fried maggi with two eggs in it.
he was complained that he`s not full yet with the dinner
he really a eater, but the body still remain same
guess their gene are different
haha, the portion we eat will be the same as our body size
hmm, i also had a nice talk to Kelvin.
the only common we have is watching those comedy tv show.
Actually i`m quite envy him because got such good result in Matrix as 4 flat
and getting JPA scholarship for his study
marvelous!
i hope i can do the same, those grey`s really inspire me,
but after i had a thought and i think i cant really handle that much
and if i want to take private Uni 400 k will be needed
and i know i`m not affordable for that

he`s still the same, exaggerating.
when people saying it`s hard
he kept saying work hard work hard,
well, actually at this part i really dont really know how to explain
guess for those who experienced this can give a better answer.

yeah, leaving at about 3 and went to 7-11 to mess them up with looking at the condoms.
haha, the workers asking whether we know what it`s for.
and i said it`s bubble gum
reached home 3.30 and straight head to sleep.
the next day sleep almost 20 hours. haha


yes, we had no conversation that day.

yeah

have done another paper.
hopefully can score well for this paper as it`s the only paper that i`m confident

shit! man again, i slept at 4 while i`m already on bed since 1.
it keep coming to me , keep coming across my mind
see, i should be there at the 1st place.
it just makes me worse

when i have problem
who is gonna stand by me?

u?
i did

i have totally forget about this matter for a month
and now it`s coming back again
FUCK!
i`m sick of it

my mood is ruined!

i know everything from ur gestures.
like u said
i`m a good observant.

am i crazy?

I was being asked am I crazy?
haha yes, I walked home for second time.
but I don’t think im crazy

Reason?
because I don’t want to stay there at the first point.
and I was there because of him, as a company

This is just me, 

and actually walking back,
enjoying the music, wind, scene
I feel much more better.

This is kind of soothing process
really.

I`m not ready for the second time and I don’t really want for this friendship.
maybe u might say im silly,
well, it`s just ur opinion.

I don’t like stay in the place with the people I don’t like .
that it.
and u know about that too.

I don’t like hiding, hiding makes me worse.

And someone offered me ride also.
but I refused.

Well well well….maybe now u are saying me nerd or nuts or whatsoever.

Nah, used to it. they don’t work on me.

i think i`m fine for now

i`m getting better after been 'cut' and i took some time to heal it.

when the wound already recovered, it wont happen for the second time anymore

been giving myself a break, went to some places at the north.

have seen alot and worked alot.

it`s fascinating that the people in Kedah and Perlis dont really have to buy fish

they just fish in the pond or the drain.

you can see the people there are fishing during noon

not only the young but also the old .

i was tired so i didnt get a picture.

wow the first day was really exhausted,

didnt sleep at all the day before and had a cup of milo and a pau and worked for 12 hours non stop since 4 am

at 8 pm only get a chance to have a very first proper dinner.

i had a nasi paprik

but it doesnt look so good because the food is not cover with gravy but is oil!

now i know why the cook so fat!

they thought the oil is the gravy!

then head to Federal Hotel to have a sleep

hmm...rm80+ 5% tax.

not so bad.

new furnished and equipped with astro channel , air cond, and a heater and that`s what i want

after had a hard day, take a hot shower and feel much more relax

after shower, went to walk

found out that the shop almost all closed at 9 something.

found two shops still operating which is a family run business

bought a bread and 2 tins of 100 plus

and head back to the hotel.

the wind was awesome!

so nice being blown, haha

at 9.30 i think i cant stand anymore felt so sleepy but Phua Chu Kang is showing

so after i finished then i sleep.

at 4 woke up and take a slip on 100plus then head to sleep again.

that`s me, once woke up in the middle a sweet drink will be needed

sleep till 7.30 got to wake up already

need to work at 8.

there serene view from perlis really feel good.

looking at the paddy field that u cant cant imagine how big it is

and the green colour from the plant.

it was AWESOME!

i wished i could spend some time at there.

i think the wound has completely recovered at this trip.

if u want back again, sorry, the door has been shut.

These are the school that quipped with MPV equipment, 

yea, these machines are sent by us

The Federal Hotel. the place i had a night. it`s much more better than my working hostel and the accommodation rate is cheaper also.

The Paddy

somewhere near Kangar.

nice mosque, but dont have chance to take picture so just snapped

Gunung Jeriang-know from the sign board

this girl is driving with an open end. haha

haiz, didnt shoot her when she close it. well cant really blame me, she is a pretty girl. i just cant take my eyes of her. haha

it`s the river. forget already dont know is butterworth or where

 perak now. it` the yty cement factory

 view when coming down from the 'terowong'

 haha., that`s my rohto v arctic.
just ordered it before i depart and got it when i`m home
really can feel the cooling effect when u drop it.