Hohoho…how pathetic am I now….after spending 1000+ for the first month then now moaning for money again….how stupid I am…..celebrating birthday with friends almost everytime…pay that and that and that…..then overspent again…the next month really need to eat wind already…or during the christmas just go into the church and get some food….i know i`m repeating again and again….but I just couldn’t forget….the other day one friend birthday again and what …I also went there and help them celebrate… so in the end pay money for the cake and the food that urself ordered….then the money for the gift….i just couldn’t forget that…..everytime why i`m paying gift for others but not for me? How pathetic….all the money I spent , these above also ‘contribute’ a lot….so now? I`m totally broke even buy a 30 prepaid card also not affordable….so now I have planned …just sit in the house and eat whatever they buy….quiting all outing. And facing my pc……because I don’t have to pay electrical bill also….i just help them pay…hahaha…I missed freedom….dont have to think so much…beside work then go back rest…don’t even need to think single thing…but what to do ? need study…lost the source of freedom and also money…being tied up….and i`m lost in my way now…so I just carry on what am I doing now….if in the end if I got a flying colour then I will proceed on to the next stage …and I getting close again to my dream …if din get good result…the need come out to petaling street college already….so I would step out from my house to a place name wisma genting….if I could la….what i`m hoping now is …everything is going smooth and I don’t have to worry anymore.

Argue with him

Today I argued with him again…. Talking about how noble he is and how much he cares about me or whatever... But when I’m sick, do you know? You never know… Even if you do, your will say, “You deserve it, who told you not to sleep earlier or take better care of your body?” Anything that’s reasonable to him is the answer in his opinion… Fine... I’m fine by my own… I don’t need your caring because you never pay attention to me anyways….. All you ever say is all about Brother… Hello... Can you please don’t talk to me like that, it’s irritating… And now, even worse… Accusing me of scratching your car but not actually saying it (in other words implying I scratched your car)… I’m not the one who did it and I don’t like when people accuse for me for something I didn’t do... If I have a second chance, I would choose to go out and work rather than staying at home because I wouldn’t have to see him everyday just so he can scold me. Outside, I think I would be better because I’m the one who scold people instead… If I have a job, I’ll get a higher position with a senior and maybe some juniors… Wouldn’t be afraid of running out of money…. Now, I’m really going to eat wind instead of rice or bread… He no longer gives me money… Sometimes I even pay for his expenses…. I know people think I’m looking good (not my face la) but actually tears drop inside my heart… No one would know except me... I can’t stand it anymore... The balloon is going to burst and I’m waiting for the day to come so that I won’t suffer anymore… When the day comes, I’m sure I’ll leave this place for a foreign country.

Changing stream of study

Omg….. The day is coming… I was surprised when they mentioned that each one of us will go through some kind of diagnostic test or something….. Now I realized that they were observing us for a long time, and I didn’t notice it at all…. Homework is also one of the reasons that forced me to the art stream….. I’m long lost in the jungle…. Nothing to say… Speechless… >.<

I haven’t been doing homework for 3 months already… Someone… Please help me… I’m begging you…..

Life shows no mercy… So my expectations are not much… Shit!! Hopefully I can do well in my exam even though I wasn’t learning for half the year….

Project Work

Wow, I’m going to collapse. Stupid project work was so heavy……

Having a team helping me equals to no help at all. All of them were doing their own stuff instead of helping me finish the job… I’m the one who worked the most to finish the job while I’m the leader… I’m the one who is supposed to give orders but they just pretend that they don’t know what am I’m talking about and just run away…… Shit damn fuck you…… Every time I went to my project base and return, they ask me why I didn’t tell them come along and I answered, “If you have the initiative to help me, you’ll just wake up and follow me around instead of gossiping with them and pretending to do revision……” Haizzz… Fortunately, next week will be end of the work piece… Hope my efforts will not be wasted just like that… I remember I asked them to finish up the paint job one day and while they were waiting for me to bring the garden grass from my house, I left at 13.50 and got back at 14.30, I saw that the garden was exactly the same as I left it… They were sitting in the classroom gossiping and playing games!! I was so mad that my face was boiling red. I asked them why didn’t do they what I told them to and they said, “You didn’t tell me anything also”. What the fuck was going on? Were they deaf? Starting from that day, I never talked to them before they talked to me…. Aren’t they going to apologize to me?

sharing a little story...sorry ya if u cant read

不爽﹐生氣﹐抓狂﹐哭笑不得的分別
有一天﹐

兒子問爸爸: 爸爸, 不爽﹐生氣﹐抓狂﹐哭笑不得的分別是甚麼意思﹖

爸爸﹕要解釋很難﹐不如讓我來示範。

首先﹐爸爸拿了一本電話簿﹐隨機選出一個人。然後打電話給那個人。順便把電話調到擴音器模式。

VICTIM﹕HELLO﹖

爸爸﹕HELLO﹐ 請問ABDULLAH BADAWI在家嗎﹖

VICTIM﹕你打錯電話啦﹗

爸﹕你不要騙我啦﹗

VICTIM﹕我騙你幹嘛﹗神經病﹗ (蓋了電話)

爸﹕哪﹐兒子﹐這個就是 "不爽"。現在來看甚麼是生氣。

(兒子點頭)

(過了5分鐘﹐爸爸再打一次電話給那個人)

VICTIM﹕HELLO﹖

爸﹕請問ABDULLAH BADAWI有在家嗎﹖

VICTIM﹕怎麼又是你﹖都跟你講了你打錯電話了﹗

爸﹕我沒打錯電話啊﹗

VICTIM﹕你這個神經病﹐你到底是誰﹖

爸﹕我是誰你還不懂﹖我是NAJIB啦﹗

VICTIM﹕%^&*$#@﹗你是NAJIB我還ANWAR咧﹗白痴﹗(大力蓋電話)

爸﹕哪﹐兒子。這個就是"生氣"。懂了嗎﹖

兒子﹕喔我懂了﹗

爸﹕現在來看下甚麼是抓狂﹗(又打電話給那個可憐的人)

那個人一拿起電話就咆哮了﹗

VICTIM﹕你這個吃飽沒事做的神經病﹗整天打電話來干擾我﹐要不是我的電話沒有CALLER ID我早就報警了你這個變態佬。。。。

爸﹕(刻意壓低聲音)ERM。。。。請問林先生在嗎。。。。﹖

VICTIM﹕啊﹗很對不起﹗剛剛有個變態一直打電話來。。。

爸﹕喔﹐沒關係﹐請問ABDULLAH BADAWI在家嗎﹖

VICTIM﹕ ##$W$#^^%$E$%^$&^%R%^$^&%^$^%$﹗﹗﹗﹗﹗

這一次﹐爸爸蓋上了電話。

爸﹕你現在知道分別了吧﹗等下你媽媽要回來了﹐我們可以吃晚餐了﹗

兒子﹕可是爸爸﹐你還沒有講解甚麼是哭笑不得﹖

爸﹕喔﹐那個要等到晚上12點啦﹗

(晚上12點﹐爸爸搖醒兒子﹐然後又打電話給那個人)

VICTIM﹕HELLO。。。。。﹖(睡到一半被吵醒)

爸﹕我是ABDULLAH BADAWI﹐有誰打電話找我啊﹖

VICTIM﹕。。。。。。。。。。。。

爸爸好厲害啊﹗

no more patching up nor so called breaking up

well, stating this few months of study i saw a girl name Joey.i knew her because we were grouped for the orientation program.first i saw her, just an ordinary girl just the body kind da like the branch of the tree. that explain why we started to call her tree.as time going on, i found that she is quite a good girl,always do homework bot like me.haha.she is serious.then i started to go on and get her number and sending sms. the first day, i didnt sleep, because i scare i will over slept and forget to make a breakfast.actually that is a simple breakfast. just 'involves' bread and eggs and also some sugar with butter.

then continue with treat her an ice -cream and promised her that i will buy many many things to her when i got work....

thought the sweet days started come but it isnt what i thought ....it`s actually what people call nightmare. i thought she react like this is kind la giving me a chance but it not.maybe she`s just perfunctory onto me....

i`ve been so stupid and letting them take advantage on me for years..but when facing this kind of stuff also being fool.

now is the same anymore, i`m not the one who evades from her (i used to be,but now not) anymore, she is the one who evading from me.

everytime i call her, she also pretending didnt hear and go away. almost everytime she saw me, also pretending didnt. i dont like this ok..lets be friend again...for me, i will just put the so called love down and concentrate on my study...

pissed off

so soon the holidays end. the time was so perfect to study but i`m not the one who is doing it.haha, do revision might be is the only reason i cheated her...or perhaps this is not the reason because i really planned to do.....unfortunately i didnt....this would be just the laziness

if i insist to do it, i`m very sure that my studies would be better....

argh.............so pissed off today.

i told them to do the painting first but they didnt......what the fuck are they doing?

playing games? gossiping around or trying to patch up someone? i really dont know.what i know is, if they really took the initiative, sure they will do without me.does the chairman really important? why cant u all do first?

you are so dependant.........when are you going to learn independant?

hello, you all are already grown up. if i just keep shooting at you, sure u all will think i`m crazy la. for sure i know that really hurt you but did you think about me? i`m the one who went to get those stupid taiwan grass? only know asking,dont know do.........

i`m soon going to collapse do you know?

time is gold, just thinking what to do but no action is not something what i want!!

i want TEAMWORK! TEAMWORK!

LIFE IS NOT SUCKS AS YOU THOUGHT,DEPENDS HOW YOU MAKE IT!!

so sweet.....haha

the other day i stepped out the first step.hahaa dont know whether being accepted or not but i know as long as she didnt reject me i`ll stick to it.

hmm this is the first time i went into this kind situation, becasue i dont have any experience.so i dont know what to do.....and while i was doing homework i figured out what about give a suprised to her so i did a bread with some eat on it and thought might can share togather but unfortunately,she refused maybe it`s too suprised...then second day went to buy curry rice for her at 5.30 in the mornig, because at this time i already wake up. so i messaged her about the rice but she said she dont want eat because she got bring bread so i just share with my friend in the school.she just ate one char siew pau nia leh.........then i brought sweet instead of curry rice lo...

then in the afternoon we went out and bought the ice cream............

the day was so sweet...hope i can savour these moments as i still can

up to 18 u have to settle everything by ur own hands

quite sad de lately discover something that it shouldnt be in the place.why, why? sometimes i think, y i can happenned to me but not other and y am i choosen to be like this ? an obstacle or what?

when something is up, dont think u can get other people help . they wont. even though is ur brother or what. u have to settled it down by urself he said. sometimes there is something we have to share with ur closest one hope he or she can relax u down or doing something that makes u not that panic.but right now i`m really like panic at the disco.haizzzz waht kind if brother i have right now? when he has a good mood maybe he will share everything with u but when he is not in the mood, everything u ask he will just ignore. thought i`m 18 enough can handle everything meh? if i can choose i will choose to work first. then only study.i where got financial support? u also never try to understand how tough i`m going through along this. and i guess no else will know. as a brother u also not doing ur job la. everytime i also settled by myself de la. i know. independant ma. since standard 4 i already started . i cooked for the family. u did? nope u just eat.haizzz no where else to express this kind of feeling.i wish now i have a big tree whole that will listen to me. well without ur help i also can figure it out and settle by myself de!

friday

haha,today also supposed to go to school study but we skipped the class and give ourselves a holiday again. argh, schooling days are so boring.somemore need watch the stupid movie 'paloh' also dont know is what movie lai de.better learning than go watch movie la.the new headmistress is really crazy.so we all decided truant lo.i was so relaxed haha 2days insomnia couldnt sleep properly makes and it drives me crazy in the school.whole day no mood to study . but luckily few teachers of subjects were not around. and something did change in the school especially among the friends. maybe today we are friends or best friend but 2morow we might be far apart or starting to forget u . quite sad for this kind of changes.

holidays end

haha the holidays supposed end on yesterday but today we give ourself one more day to enjoy the day.samething again....i slept until 2. guess what at 7 i really woke up and went to the front door and check out the day. and at 7.30 a big rain falls.whoah....it`s really big and then thunder sound like a blomming flower.and by the same time i also enjoy the raindrop sound like when i was small. really long time never like this before. after went into secondary life changed. so tired and even a little thing also cant savour.what a pity life. ...well life is like that if urself is not working on it, who else is going to help u instead of u? i think if yesterday really go to school,maybe the teacher will teach and not really do celebration.oh my goodness..........guess what it`s maths class again tomorrow..gosh winder who creates maths...maths sucks. it makes me even more complicated when these calculation turns here turns there.hard to memorise.and again my maths work hasnt done yet..think tomorrow he sure will ask me again....lolzz

Bcoz promising him that i will finish it on time and send on the day start school.....

hmmm.....not going waste time here la...better start the work again.

她走了。。

她真的走了。虽然我们认识只不过有几个月但是我们之间的友情都很好。今早看到他的离去，突然觉得很不舍得。希望她真的能够留下来陪我，一起再建更深的友情。觉得有点遗憾，为何星期日那天我都没到那里去与他一起用餐？最后还是她打给我，我才知道他要离我们而去了

咕~~(╯﹏╰)

看到她哭已觉得心里有点心酸，也许她并不舍得离开我们或她只不过开心而已。希望她并不会对她的选择后悔吧。成绩那么好，难道她的程度只不过适合教小学吧了吗？不，不。无润如何，真心祝福她吧。学业进步-永远爱惜你Fitriah

祝我生日快乐

祝我生日快乐，我对知己说.哄哄，我的生日就这样那个过去了。就一点东西也没做，很没有意义的过去了。或也许只是我没珍惜吧

。到了学校就如平常一样到了校门口就开始慢慢的走了过去。会想到过去的日子，跟现在根本都没两样。也是独自

走到班门口。也许这就是正真的我吧。竟然到了门口也没人想起今天是我的生日，算了吧我就是那一棵经不起眼在角落的一刻温室小花吧。

到了中午同学们才无意中发现。这并不是什么大不了的东西啊，反正有庆祝也好过没啊。well life goes on....突然心中那一股怨气也消失无终去了

过去的就让它过去吧

飘洋过海

终于找到工作了！就在吉隆坡的香港粥面家1U分行干了起来。后来有机会就调去美食之城-槟城。一个人就将去了。槟城给了我很多难忘的记忆开心的还是辛苦的都牢牢记在我脑海中。很高兴也很荣幸认识到你们真的真得很开心。开心的日子一起度过艰苦的大家一起挡。大家一起下班找东西吃一起癫一起傻。日子一天一天的过去，我要离开的日子也近了非要离开这个开心的地方不可因为要开学了。真得很舍不得你们！真的！来日方长它日我们有缘想见〉〉〉〉